Twixtmas – Day 2

Geoff Roberts Twixtmas

You can transform your personal happiness by doing a five-day work out during the Twixtmas break – the period between Christmas and New Year. By following some easy-to-do ‘happiness workout’ tips you can make yourself happier, ready to step into 2011 with more optimism and energy.

Today’s assignment –  Write about something good you have done for someone else.

For me, there is a risk of being self-serving by writing about what I have done for others, a risk that I write about something that I think I have done when the recipient has a different view. In some of our trainings we explore the parallel concepts of “Self- or Others-Focus” Some who thinks or acts in a Self-Focussed way is primarily concerned about the implications for them personally of any situation, the Others-Focussed approach is more concerned with the impact on others than on themselves. I admit to being largely self-focussed and am a fan of the psychologies that suggest that ultimately we are all self-focussed, with even others-focussed individuals acting at some deep level to satisfy a self-focussed psychological drive (at a simple level you might think of this as doing things for others because it makes you feel good).

Anyway, what good have I done for someone else? During the ‘volcano crisis’ in early 2010 when flights around Europe were cancelled for several days I was ‘trapped’ in France and needed to get back for a client. I was formulating a plan to hire a car, drive to La Manche, get a ferry across… when I met a couple who were in a similar position (they were staying with someone for whom my sister cleans) and also needed to get back. Without hesistation I offered them a couple of seats in my car if they could get themselves a ferry crossing. The plan came off perfectlyand I was delighted to subsequenlty receive a contribution to the costs and to find that my generosity was being talked about in France. Sometimes, life just feels good.

So, what are you going to write about?

Twixtmas – Day 1

Geoff Roberts Twixtmas

Here we are on Day 1 of Twixtmas…

You can transform your personal happiness by doing a five-day work out during the Twixtmas break – the period between Christmas and New Year. By following some easy-to-do ‘happiness workout’ tips you can make yourself happier, ready to step into 2011 with more optimism and energy.
The binge happiness five-day programme consists of completing what is called a ‘happy diary’ for each of the five days of Twixtmas, December 27-December 31, which focus on the happy, positives in your life.
Writing down positive thoughts and feelings has been proven to beat just talking about them. Scientists believe that writing encourages the creation of a structure and storyline which can help people make sense of what has happened in their past and also guide and direct them towards finding solutions. Just talking about problems can often be unstructured, disorganised, and even chaotic. As a result, it can add a sense of confusion to your emotional state.
Twixtmas campaigner and GREEN director Andy Green said: “Arm yourself with pen and paper and make some time during the Twixtmas break to give yourself a five-day happiness work-out. Expressing your appreciation and thinking about the positive aspects of your future, or even writing affectionate things, have been scientifically proven to work and make you feel better in yourself.”Today’s workout is:

Day 1 Write down four things from the past week which have made you feel grateful. Then think about and write down how one of the best experiences in your life made you feel.

So here is my Day1 writing:

Over the last week, I have been grateful for

  1. having the opportunity to share my material and emotional wealth with so many people over Xmas,
  2. the efforts of my colleagues in Artworks during difficult times,
  3. that my granddaughter Niamh is such a delight and for
  4. the thought and grace that Lucy put into my Xmas presents.

Thank you all for your help and support.

Now for a ‘best life experience’ (Note that this is ‘a’ best experience, not ‘the’ best – that would be too much of a challenge and risk downgrading some experiences just because at this very moment they do not feel top of the list). I want to write briefly about one evening about 15 years ago when I sat alone on the beach in Sri Lanka watching the sun set.  The sea rippled gently in the background and as I watched trancelike in the deep heat of the day the sky became suffused with liquid gold the more I watched the more relaxed I became; sitting on the warm sand I felt connected to the earth, at peace and at one with nature. For that half hour as the sune slid below the horizon, I could have been anywhere and nowhere.

The breakfast of champions

Geoff Roberts change

All the recent media coverage of Wikileaks, Vince Cable’s indiscretions, a recent reminder of the Gordon Brown ‘bigot moment’ and those of footballer’s wives left me thinking about standards of behaviour in those who are perceived as leaders/role models.

It seems to me that what is lacking here is straightforward integrity. I quite like the following definition:

Integrity as a concept has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome.

I want/need to know that when my boss says something she means it and will not express a different opinion to someone else behind my back. Anyone with pretentions to leadership surely needs consistency as one of their core attributes. Over a long career there was many a time when I disagreed with my various bosses, but the better ones were consistent and also respected my right to disagree. If your boss wants you to jump off the end of the pier (or indeed you want your followers to do so!) then I need to be confident that they are asking it becasue they really cannot see any alternative not because it feeds some personal agenda of their own.

By being duplicitous she is not only undermining my own and others’ belief in them but also setting up tensions in their own brain. It’s a bit like the idea that it’s easier to tell the truth than a lie, because then you only have to remember the truth instead of which lies you told to whom.

I have heard the line a few time recently “Well, haven’t we all at some time or another whispered under our breaths or out of earshot of the subject that they area a bit of a ******” Well, some say that such a comment lost the last election for Labour, that and unguarded comment could well lose Vince Cable his Cabinet post…  What I say is that one of my guiding principles been “if you are not prepared to say it to their face then don’t say it behind their backs”

So next time you find yourself commenting on someone’s behaviour behind their backs, perhaps you could ask yourself “Am I prepared to say this to their face?” If the answer is “No” then perhaps you need to question yourself about what’s stopping you – after all, feedback is the breakfast of champions and isn’t it part of a leader’s job to grow champions?

You can only join the dots looking backwards

Geoff Roberts change

I have just been reading an address by Steve Jobs to Stanford University and was especially struck by this quote:

…you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Perhaps the more academically inclined amongst us might call this ‘post-hoc rationalisation’

It’s certainly my experience that I can often string a convincing story together about what happened despite those happenings being unplanned. Now what I am about to say may well be blasphemous to those who worship at the altar of Change Management Theory (and I too have a Masters’ degree in the topic!) but in many years of leading change I do not think I have ever seen a successful change process follow any of these theories. Oh yes, in general it pays to create your Compelling Vision before your Guiding Coalition – and sometimes the other way round!

Shortly after finishing my Masters my then boss asked “What was the most significant thing you learned on the course?” My response seemed trite at the time, yet the more experience I gathered, the more significant it became. I was fortunate that I was leading the process facilitation team for a major organisational change effort whilst I was doing my Masters and my response was that “I have learned that practice is more important than theory and that in practice you have to do what you can, where you can, when you can”.

I once wrote a paper that described in wondefully rational terms how our long-term success (over a 10-15 year period) could be attributed to overlapping cycles of change, each starting before the full benefits of the previous cycle had been realised. It was pure post-hoc rationalisation – the paper implied some form of ‘master plan’ which never existed. We did what we could where we could when we could. We joined up the dots looking backwards.

So than you Steve Jobs for reminding me that all the theory is useful in the planning phase of change and also for reminding me of the reality that things rarely (ever?) go to plan so although the dots might well join up in retrospect, they are unlikely to make the picture that you thought you were making!

When you are stuck

Geoff Roberts Uncategorized

I’ve been racking my brains about what earth shattering revelations to include in today’s blog; not exactly writer’s block, more a question of what to choose from the wealth of ‘stuff’ (technical term there!) in my head. Then I remembered a piece of advice we often give our coachees, especially when they are stuck or stalled at a task.

Do you sometimes find yourself in that state – not being sure what to do (next), perhaps having so many options that it is difficult to choose which one to take? For some people, this is a recipe for doing nothing on the basis that there may be a better choice, or whatever I do may be inappropriate. Of course, doing nothing achieves nothing – and I am not talking here about a deliberate decision to defer action, but about ‘stuckness’ when inaction becomes the default.

So, what’s the simple piece of advice?

When you are stuck do something, do anything.

If you continue stuck, then you cannot get whirling around Kolb’s learning cycle – an essential part of his four stage learning cycle is action, followed by consideration of the effects of the action (feedback), figuring out what’s going on and finally devising and trying new approaches. In a nutshell, this is the source of the learning mantra “There is no failure, only feedback”. Taking action, any action generates feedback and so gets the learning cycle spinning.

So, the next time you find yourself stuck, just remember that any action is better than no action – and learn from the feedback.

CIA – not the Central Intelligence Agency!

Geoff Roberts Uncategorized

A friend of mine is due to fly in to the UK from Germany today – snow permitting (that’s snow in Germany, they had a big dump shortly after we left on Wednesday). Will she get here? Will the snow close the airport or the roads to it? Will there be a delay? All these questions we have met before, and will no doubt meet again.

Now I know my friend is not one of those passengers who will spend the day before fretting over whether or not they will make it, or use time at the airport shouting at staff to ‘get things sorted out’ if they are delayed – she knows better than to stress herself over stuff she cannot change.

One of my favourite TLAs is CIA; it’s a favourite because in my context it does not stand for the Central Intelligence Agency. I find it helpful as a way of responding to what happens around me. I ask myself, “Can I…”:

Control the happening? – in which case take that control and make it happen how you want it to.

Influence what might happen? – in which case choose whether or not to use your influence.

Accept what is happening? – if you cannot Control and choose not to Influence, then you really must accept what is happening and get on with it.

Remember that Influence is always a choice; we write to our MP, we go on the ‘million man march’ against the Iraq War, we explain our predicament to the airline checking receptionist, we ‘suggest’ which restuarant to go to, a little man weaves his own loincloth before walking across a whole country making some salt and ultimately getting the British out of India. Everything is influenceable, it’s up to you to decide where to put your limited resources and whether or not the possible change is either likely and/or worth the effort.

So, how stressed do you get by events that you cannot change (snow?) or choose not to influence?

When to take a rest.

Geoff Roberts Uncategorized

Car stuck on icy roadWell, I have just spent 30 minutes in an unsuccessful attempt to get our car up the icy slope that trapped us in yesterday. We managed to recover the car from its overnight resting place half way up/down ‘our’ lane, but despite our best efforts could not get it far enough up the hill to actually escape and enter the world. For the time being, we had failed.

Now, I know that the car will get out today, and equally I knew that the time had come to take a rest. Bodies were becoming exhausted, as were those inner resources upon which we draw under challenge.My guess was that one extra person pushing would have made the difference, but that one extra person did not appear when we needed them.

Does this sound familiar? Working away at a task that really needs doing and exhausting yourself in the process? Well, unless you are trying to defuse a nuclear bomb, the world is unlikely to end when you delay a little. Continuing to struggle away when circumstances are clearly against you and help is not at hand seems foolish and runs the risk of over-stressing not just you but those around you. Sometimes, what is needed is to take a rest and come back to the task a bit later.

We will be out of our lane by lunchtime…

What is really happening?

Geoff Roberts Uncategorized

Today was one of those mornings…car won’t start, arrangements for our few days in Germany going to pot, non-existent ‘customer service’ from Netflights (very happy to name the ******s), kitchen scissors disappeared again, breakfast sausages still frozen… aaarrrgggghhhhh!! Why does it all happen to me!?

Do you recall the old sore “Bad things always come in threes”? How come the opposite does not apply “Good things always come in tens”? Well, it’s to do with perception, not reality (and OK for those of you who want to say that there is no reality, just perception – I Agree).

It turns out that us humans are very selective in what we notice about the world – have you ever noticed how mums- and dads-to-be suddenly start recognising other pregnant women or baby shops, when you last bought a new car did you suddenly notice rather a lot of them on the road…? My wife could tell you more about it, but we have this part of our brain called the – are you ready for this? – Reticular Activating System, which essentially pre-programs our brain to notice certain things and, by implication, ignore others.

Try this now – look around the room you are in and notice as many blue things as you can in 30 seconds. Surprised? Now, how many red things did you notice while you were looking for the blue ones? Weird eh? Your RAS programmed your brain to notice one thing (blue items) and implicitly ignore others (red ones).

Now this goes on all the time. We notice what is important to us or on our minds at the time (babies, blue things, churches, beggars, stuff going wrong…) and fail to notice all sorts else. This just has to happen. If we were to pay active attention to all the verious data streams impacting on our senses at any one time we really would need a brain the size of a planet and would be in a state of constant confusion.

I wonder what good stuff was happening while I was noticing all the **** this morning?

It has been suggested that the most effective long-term mental state is one of “pessimistic optimism” (of which, more in a future blog), so next time you find everything going to pot, remind your RAS to look out for the good stuff as well. And, equally, next time all is going swimmingly just be sure to put a tiny bit of your attention on what might go wrong – to recall what us Boy Scouts were always told “be prepared”.

Do a bit, learn a bit…

Geoff Roberts change

I have spent some of today redesigning the look of this blog, using (if you are interested) a very handy design creation tool called Artisteer. It now looks different to how it looked at 10:00 or at 12:00 or even at 14:00 – and may well look different again before the end of the day! “So what?” you might ask, and quite rightly so. Well, I realised that this redesign was a bit, actually quite a lot, like redesigning how we live.

I started with a recognition that something needed to change – maybe different fonts, maybe layout etc… – wondered how to go about making the changes, sought out a tool to help me then started playing with the tool, all along being aware that my fisrt efforts would take time whilst I learned how to make the change then knowing that I could change things bit by bit and review the results before finally committing; even then I know that further changes can be made – and that small changes can be done quickly and easily.

So, what has this got to do with a personal development blog? Well, it stuck me that there are some very similar lessons:

  1. Sometimes we just have a feeling that ‘something needs to change’, without being really sure what
  2. Sometimes we struggle alone before realising that someone else might be able to help
  3. Sometimes we have to change several things at once, yet other times we can simplify it and make one change at a time
  4. Some changes are easy, some take more practice
  5. Sometimes we make a change only to find that it’s still not quite right and needs further adjustment
  6. When we think we have finished, we have not finished – there is always more to do.

So, back to the title of this piece “Do a bit, learn a bit”. It is only when we actually make a change that we find out whether or not it is an appropriate change. Those changes can be quite small yet have a profound effect. Go on, make a change in your life today…