Taking responsibility

Geoff Roberts change

I was speaking with a wonderful, educated, passionate, articulate homeless man this morning.

Firstly, the discussion reminded me that you don’t have to be (to use a non-PC term) the ‘dregs of society’ to become homeless these days.

Then I asked “So what was it that helped you take those first steps back out of the hole you were in?” His response is a lesson for many. His reply was telling:

“I decided that I had to take responsibility for myself”.

This wonderful man recognised, even in the depths of despair, that it was up to him and him alone to accept his part in his past. Yes, others had their part to play in his past and his ‘downfall’; Yes, he would and did accept help from others; and most of all, Yes he could and would take personal responsibility in preference to blaming others. He is far from where he wants to be, yet he is also far from where he was – the journey is long and hard and he knows that only he can make the journey. I wished him well before I went off to my warm home, wonderful wife, well stocked pantry…

So my challenge is for you to answer these two questions:

  1. “To what extent are you prepared to accept that you have you contributed to any problems in your life?”
  2. “Are you going to take responsibility for yourself, your past and your future – or do you want to be comfortable and blame others?”

No regrets

Geoff Roberts change

When I am coaching face-to-face I often finish with a story – they are intended to be metaphorical and designed so that the subject can make their own sense of them. However, every now and again, one story sticks with me personally – this piece, usually accredited to Nadine Stair aged 85, is one:

If I had my life over…

I’d dare to make more mistakes next time

I’d relax, I’d limber up

I would be sillier than I have been this trip

I would take fewer things seriously

I would take more chances

I would take more trips

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers

I would eat more ice cream and less beans

I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones

You see I am one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day

Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had to do it over again I would have more of them,

in fact I’d try to have nothing else – just moments.

One after another instead of living so many years ahead of each day

I’ve been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute

If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter next time

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall

I would go to more dances

I would ride more merry go rounds

I would pick more daisies.

Ms Stair’s tale reminds us that it is not the things we have done that we will regret but the things we have not done.

So here’s the challenge, to have a quick think about how many days have gone past with you (me) regretting what you have not done? Then take action. What is there that you want to do but have yet to fulfil? Make a plan. Go and do it.

What is cluttering up your brain?

Geoff Roberts change

Just how much mess is cluttering up your brain?

Perhaps what I really want to explore is the effect of all those little unfinished jobs that are running around in your brain and occasionally pop out at unexpected, and maybe even unwelcome, moments. You know – that little voice inside your head that says “You never sent Auntie Ethel a birthday card” or “Whatever happened to that memorial bench you were going to buy for your dad?”. Those little things to which you committed yourself at some time, yet somehow never seem to have got done – let’s call them Incompletes.

Here’s an exercise – make a list of them. Get out a sheet of paper and a writewith – start writing, one per line, all those little promises, committment, ideas… that you have still to deliver. NB I do not mean the big stuff – “Redecorate the house” or “Build a garage” – but the smaller, realtively easily done stuff as in my earlier examples. Keep writing, most people (me included!) make a rather long list – when you think you have finished, go for a cup of tea and come back and add whatever it is you have remembered whilst making the tea; maybe you can put the list on the fridge or somewhere else handy so that you can add to it as you remember things.

My guess, indeed my experience, is that you will start completing them now you have written them down – and more so if you put them where they are easily visible.

Every one of these tasks has been cluttering up your brain, and stopping it from being as effective as it/you might be. It is as if each little Incomplete was occupying a bit of grey matter, the more incompletes you have, the more grey matter is tied up in unproductive effort. Once you actually do the action, the grey cell is free to concentrate on more pressing (and important?) matters.

So, whatever it was cluttering up your brain, this is a simple little exercise to start to clear the decks for action. Let me know how it goes for you….

Wherever I go, it is me that shows up

Geoff Roberts change

I have been avidly following a discussion on an Organisational Change dicussison forum (it is at http://tinyurl.com/35pn2pw although it is a membership only group so you will need to ask to be able to read the very interesting thread)

One post, in particular, took my eye and I reproduce it here with the permission of the author, Dean Anderson (read his profile at http://www.linkedin.com/in/deanandersonbeingfirst )

I offer what is a primary perspective in the world of conscious change leadership that might inform what is happening here. From my worldview, this persepctive is a key ingredient of succeeding in our profession. First, a couple key universal truths, then application to this discussion.

  1. Mindset is causative: my worldview, beliefs, and values determine how I perceive and interpret circumstances, behave, and act in the world. Consequently, my mindset generates the results I achieve, or don’t, in any situation.
  2. Wherever I go, I show up. I am in every moment of my life. No exceptions. It’s always me.
  3. Every moment is then a mirror reflecting back to me my self, in particular, how I am showing up in that moment, revealing an aspect of my multi-dimensional self.
  4. If I am consciously aware and able to step out of my ego and into my higher self, or being, then I can reflect on the moment and see my self in action. I can learn about myself, becoming more self aware. This empowers me to respond differently, see other interpretations of the situation, and make positive change in myself if I choose.

In situations that generate more “heat” – emotional responses that carry a fair bit of judgment, reactivity, and positionality – it can be both more difficult and easier to operate consciously and see myself. If I get caught in my reactivity, then I project onto the situation as “the problem that needs fixing.” But if I can remain objective and not get subjectively activated and caught in my triggered emotions, then I have a better chance of “witnessing” my self, learning, and course correcting. In essence, I see the situation as a problem that “I am creating.”

The ego in each of us has various core needs that, when triggered, create “heat.” This is true for everyone.

If your issue is inclusion and connection, then you may have reacted to the splits occurring in the discussion with anxiety and wanted to patch things back together. If your triggered issue is power, then you might have thought there was a power play occurring and you wanted to fight against it (exercise your own power). If control is your issue, then you might not have liked what you felt was an act of unwarranted control over you or the group. Or perhaps your control issue manifested in the other polarity: you actually liked the idea of more control being placed on the group. If it is competence, then perhaps you were glad there was someone demonstrating some competence, or maybe you perceived lack of competence and that pissed you off, or made you think, “what a jerk.” If your issue is justice and fairness, then you might have felt that an injustice was being made and you wanted to right it, or rather, that finally someone stepped in with a method to ensure things in the group were going to be fair and just.

None of these ways of perceiving and reacting are better or worse than the others, and we all have a bit of them all, with a couple being more dominant for each of us. And because we all have them to some degree, my point is not to argue or take a position about whose reaction or position is right and wrong, but rather, to simply look into the mirror of the discussion and inquire, “How did I show up? What can I see and learn about myself, human dynamics, change.

And that, my friends, just might generate a chuckle, and certainly, greater wisdom, and that is a good thing. It will definitely add a bit of self awareness and broaden your foundation for being a conscious change leader, which in the end, will make you a more successful change agent.

Thank you Dean – brilliant!

The change is not about you…

Geoff Roberts change

I have been working today with a very challenging change that very significantly affects one key player in the organisation. After a very difficult session I was reflecting on the importance of de-personalising change, Yes, it does affect individuals, and sometimes it may even lead to questions about the capabilities of the individual in the new scenario, but it is really important to recognise that what is driving change is external and that any capability shortfalls are a consequence of the change not a driver.

It can be too easy to ‘take it personally’ and to fight back on a personal level, when what is more helpful for everyone’s sanity and self-respect is to recognise that the world changes, that sometimes mismatches occur and to deal with those mismatches on a personal basis in a compassionate way.

Just being there…

Geoff Roberts change

We were working yesterday with a team who were confidently (?) expecting to hear very bad news later in the day. We had a great day planned, the final day of a series over the last few months – but we were not aware of the imminent news until we arrived at the venue. It was clear that what we had planned was unlikely to happen – not only were people less than enthusiastic about the session anyway but their minds were going to be elsewhere…a rapid replanning was needed.
So instead of them coming to us, we went to them in their workplace with all our rapport skills being dragged out of the cupboard. This was one of those situations where it was more important to deal with what they needed rather than what the plan suggested; indeed, it was probably more important to just be there acknowledging and empathising with their concerns than to offer any ‘training’.
Sometimes, and especially in the heat of the moment when significant change is happening, that’s all we can and need to do – just be there and empathise. This is a really important message for ‘change professionals’ and personnel/HR people who, because of their frequent exposure to the processes of change, risk becoming inured to the personal challenges faced by individuals at such times. I was reminded of something that a very wise colleague of mine said about dealing with change, he said that we needed to be “tough on the issues, gentle with the people”. We need to make a decision and be clear about the reasons and that a decision has been made, then we MUST treat people as individuals with individual concerns and responses to the change they face; we MUST treat every individual with respect and help them deal with the change they face at their own pace and in their own way.
Sometimes, just being there is what is needed.

On doing nothing…

Geoff Roberts change

I have just realised that it is now 3 days since I posted anything in my (various) blogs. Does this bother me? Is there any reason why it should?

Well, no and no. I am reminded that every now and again the appropriate thing to do is ‘nothing’. Oh, if doing nothing is an act of avoidance then get the proverbial finger out…but sometimes what our brains, and those of those with whom we work, needs is space…peace…quietness. It can be all too easy to get on the treadmill of “I must do ….”, well I ask “According to whom?”. Who made that rule “I must do” or, more likely, “I must always be doing”. We all need to just “be” sometimes in order that we can be refreshed for the times we need to do.

Running a car 24 hours a day it will need refuelling occasionally and will wear out a lot quicker than running it for the few hours a day for which it was designed. Well, you are the same – you need refuelling, and not just with food, and you need to rest occasionally.

So, this week’s challenge is to take time out to ‘just be’ occasionally – maybe it’s actually getting away from the desk for a walk, for a sit in the park; maybe it’s a ten minute relaxation session, maybe it’s just stiing in that chair tonight with the television off. Go on, do it for yourself – you know it will make a difference.

Welcome to my blog

Geoff Roberts change

Over the next few months we are developing a web-enabled personal coaching programme and this blog is where we will be providing updates, seeking feedback and asking for help.
Meanwhile, do bear with us, let us know what you think of the basic idea (of web-enabled personal coaching/development) or generally just chat away.

What colour pen are you using?

Geoff Roberts change, flexibility, Prince2

I was sat having lunch and attempting to draw some of the detail of buildings around the central ‘Place’ of Monpazier in SouthWest France when this little gem struck me – “With a black pen, you can only draw shadows”. Now I am no artist, so to some of you that might be no great revelation, but to a change specialist it reminded me of the need to use the right tools for the job.
When exploring how to go about designing and implementing change, one starting point might be to establish whether or not the big challenges are going to be about redesigning the technology or about the people – they need fundamentally different approaches, black pens or coloured pens.
The black pen on a white background might well be appropriate for procedural/processual redesign of how a task is to be done – and PRINCE2 might even be an appropriate tool. There is right and wrong involved, process optimisation, rational decision making and all that stuff that keeps some very expensive large consultancies in business.
Conversely, no matter how good the process you design, without the support of the people involved it can and most likely will fail. There is plenty of evidence about change efforts (including mergers and acquisitions) failing to deliver their stated goals – and almost universally the reasons quoted relate to human issues not technical ones. The mindsets, and tools, associated with technical process design are not necessarily appropriate when the challenge is to engage and motivate the people involved. Any change agent who thinks that people’s attitudes, organisational cultures and the like can be changed to a timetable – “it’s Thursday so it must be Module 17b” – is doomed to failure. The tools of organisation development have many more colours than black and white!
It’s no good using black and white media when you need to paint a coloured picture.

On avoiding procrastination

Geoff Roberts procrastination, time management

I have just said goodbye to a friend who lives in the most wonderful location across the river from Edinburgh – her (big) front window looks across the estuary into the heart of the city, spectacular on an evening. As she left, the usual stuff came out of my mouth “We should come up again…”. I just know that all I have to do is ask and the door will be open and I also know that it was just 2 minutes’ work to get out our diaries and arrange something there and then, yet we didn’t, we procrastinated.

Why? What is it that leads us to say “I should…” and then not do anything about it?

Well, I can also think of other times when I managed to get huge amounts done in a limited time – typically those last few days before a holiday when the ‘To Do’ list shrinks at a rate of knots, or when there is some other drop-dead deadline. What can these times tell us about how to make more effective use of our time?

It seems to me that the difference is something to do with committment. The drop-dead deadlines (which, of course, includes catching that flight to the sun/snow/sand…) somehow generate that sense of ‘must do’ which has a more compelling force than ‘should do’.

So perhaps there are (at least!) two things to think about when deciding what do do with your time:

1) How important is this appointment/meeting/day out/etc to me? The more important it is, the more likely the job is to get done and the more likely I am to start early just in case something comes up at the last minute. I am saying yes becasue it seems like a good idea, or because someone else thinks it is important – or because it meets my needs?
2) Am I hoping for something better to come up? Maybe the reason we did not arrange that weekend in Scotland was that we were not willing to commit in case something else came up that was more compelling. And of course if something else does not come up then we have missed an opportunity!

Whatever I face, if it matters enough to me I will organise around it. So decide what really matters, get those things in your diary first (Stephen Covey’s large stones) and then arrange everything else around those personal committments.