There is no failure, only feedback

Geoff Roberts change, choice, flexibility

Head in hands with failure

 

My friend Andy Green has decided to label this week “Failure Week” and it set me thinking. Those of you who read this blog will recognise that it has become rather occasional – one might say that I have failed to write something every day, which was my original intent.

However in my world failure is only really failure if I fail to learn from it. So what have I learned?

  1. I am most successful blogging daily when I have a plan – usually to write a series of articles on a particular topic (see Twixtmas or Metaprograms earlier).
  2. I need to sort out the ‘Schedule’ function in my WordPress – it doesn’t work and it bugs me that I have to go in every day to workaround the fact that my scheduled post didn’t make it to your wonderful eyes.

What I have learned from earlier experience is that a list of more than 2 or 3 items is less likely to get completed than a very short list – eat the elephant one bite at a time. So that’s it. I suggested elsewhere that I might write an A-Z of personal development, so I am off to compose the first few, any suggestions for topics (especially for Q, X, Z) will be very welcome.

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Closing the Loop

Geoff Roberts choice

Thank You on typewriterHow often have you wondered what happened later?

Perhaps you passed on a contact to a third party, or gave a reference for someone applying for a new job, or sent someone an article that you thought might interest them…
…and then heard no more.

When this happens to me I am left wondering whether or not my input was valued or just wasting their time. Conversely, even a brief acknowledgement reinforces the link that I feel to that person.

Don’t leave someone hanging after they reach out to you, wondering about the outcome. It’s rude, it looks bad, and it actually has the potential to create negative consequences.

The way to close the loop is simple: no matter the outcome, no matter if the news is good or bad, be sure to follow up and share what happened.

At the end of the day, people appreciate recognition and follow-through. While you certainly don’t have to go overboard and send a bunch of roses, a simple note to close the loop can mean the difference between maintaining a two-way relationship and tainting a once-good bond.

Go on, have a quick think about who you want to say “Thank You” to today…

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Trying harder is not the answer

Geoff Roberts change, choice, opportunity, strategy

snake painted on eggI am walking along holding an egg in my hand when suddenly I manage to drop it and break it. Do I tell myself “Hold onto the egg more tightly” or do I find a better way of carrying the egg?

Does a stressful event start a cascade that ends up making even you more stressed?
When someone in authority challenges you or corrects your behavior, do you to push back and make the behaviour worse?
Does a failure set you on a path to more failure?

These questions seem philosophical or even paradoxical, but in fact I think they get to the heart of why some people succeed and others don’t. We can choose to create (virtuous) cycles that move us up or endure (vicious) cycles that drag us down.
A policemen hassles a teenager who is acting up. The teenager escalates. The cop escalates. Someone gets arrested – and you can bet it isn’t the cop!.
A sales call is going poorly because the prospect doesn’t perceive the salesperson is confident. She responds by becoming even less confident. No sale.
A mistake is made. The stakes go up. Rattled, another mistake is made, and then again, until failure occurs…

James Bond is a hero because the tougher the world got, the cooler he got. Symphony conductors don’t endure the pressure of a performance, they thrive on it.

If being a little behind creates self-pressure that leads to stress and then errors, is it really suprising that you frequently end up a lot behind.
Customer service falls apart when mutual escalation or non-understanding sets in. Management falls apart when power struggles or miscommunication escalate. Education falls apart when students respond to poor exam results by giving up.

Someone who gets better whenever he fails will always outperform someone who responds to failure by getting worse. This isn’t something in your DNA, it’s something you can learn or unlearn.
The useful response to ‘failure’ is not to try harder, to buckle down and grind it out. The response that works is to understand the nature of the cycle and to change it from the start. You must not fight the cycle, you must transform it into a different cycle altogether. It’s a lot of work, but less work than failing.
When the snake pushes you to recoil in fear, that’s your cue to embrace the trembling fear and do precisely the opposite of what it demands. This won’t work the first time or even the tenth, but it’s the path to an upcycle, one where each negative input leads to more productivity, not less.
Carry that egg in a bowl.

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Positivity is infectious

Geoff Roberts change, choice, flexibility, focus

I met a colleague of mine, Chris Edwards, in Leeds yesterday. Chris has overseen a fundamental transformation and improvement of education throughout Leeds over the last 10 years and is now out on his own looking for opportunities to help the world. I always find my time with Chris inspirational – he is irrepressibly positive and upbeat, his favourite word is “brilliant” and his belief in people, especially children, is awesome. We talked a lot about beliefs and how the beliefs that parents embed in their children can either help or hinder them.

I would never dream of telling my four-year-old granddaughter that the picture of a tree that she has just presented me with looks nothing like a tree and that she cannot draw. It seems almost intuitive to me that constant negative messages are likely to leave her believing that she is no good and lo and behold she will be no good. Chris tells me that there is some research that shows that the lowest performing children have parents who give them eight times as many negative messages as positive and the highest performers have parents who give them eight times as many positive messages as negative.

If this makes so much difference the children, then why not adults as well? If you work with anyone, and you don’t have to manage them you simply have to work with them, then perhaps you might like to check how often you praise them versus how often you give negative feedback. Yoou DO give feedback don’t you?

And what about yourself? What about that self talk that constantly goes on inside our heads? Is yourself talk supportive or destructive? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe that you can take things on and do a good job or is everything too difficult? Self belief is all-important. As Henry Ford once said

whether you believe you can
or you believe you cannot
you are probably right

Believe in others, believe in yourself and be sure to give yourself and others great feedback.

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