Are you comfortable being uncomfortable?

I have written before about some of the profound observations of my friend Andy Green. Well, his latest draws on lessons from the Oscar-winning film The Artist. One lesson he highlights is the need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. This is a lesson I press on most of the proto-leaders with whom I work.

Leadership, change, learning – in one sense they are all synonyms and what all of them require is that we get out of our comfort zone. Staying inside that zone delivers neither leadership nor change nor learning by definition

Truly effective leaders are prepared to step into the void and find their way as they go. They have an approach to life that goes beyond self-confidence (“I know what I know and I can do what I do”) into the realms of self-esteem (“I know that I don’t know and I believe that I will find a way”). Developing this self-esteem is partly about becoming comfortable being uncomfortable, it’s about taking on those challenges that make you think twice, that bring on the butterflies in the stomach, that others have failed to deliver, that result in you feeling uncomfortable.

I learned this for myself when I took on a project for which I was given three months even though all my experience suggested it ought to take 2 years – we delivered! What are you going to do that is uncomfortable? It’s how you grow.

No regrets?

Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse working in palliative care, recorded people’s regrets as they were dying and has shared the top five.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Well. That shakes me up. How about you?

Don’t just sit there – DO something!

“Eat that Frog” was a proposition by Brian Tracy. He suggested that the first thing we should tackle each day is one of those jobs we have been putting off – kiss the frog and nothing worse can happen to you that day!

Well, another way of looking at that great long list of things to do – our “Incompletes” – is to note what you can do in just 5 minutes, perhaps those 5 minutes you might otherwise have spent wandering around Facebook or sitting watching the goggle box, or ….

It can be surprising what you can get done in 5 minutes concentrated effort and every task completed is a bit more ‘brain space’ to help you concentrate on other things. It’s rather as if each of these little Incompletes was tying up a grey cell remembering it and getting it done releases that grey cell to get on doing something productive.

So here’s a list of little Incompletes that might relate to you home environment: – you will have your own:

* Pay a bill
* Make a drink
* Do a pet chore
* Water your plants
* Make a sandwich
* Take out the rubbish
* Change that blown bulb
* Do a short sharp workout
* Load the washing machine
* Hoover the most used room
* Sew on that missing button
* Fix that little rip in your shirt
* Make that screen sparkle again
* Do an exercise that energises you
* Write someone a ‘thank you’ note
* Empty your car of unwanted items
* Clean out your handbag or manbag
* Put those dying batteries in the charger
* Write something in your diary or journal
* Go through a pending pile of paperwork
* Go for a brisk walk down the road and back
* Reply to someone you have been putting off
* Tighten the screws of a loose door, pan lid, etc
* Practice a particularly difficult phrase of music
* Check what is in your diary for the following week
* Take some photos of interesting things around you
* Scan a paper or magazine for ideas for work or home
* Clean up one small area of your desk, bedroom, kitchen, etc
* Take a break by completely relaxing every muscle in your body
* Practice breathing deeply to get more oxygen into your system
* Let your creative side loose and sketch whatever comes to mind
* Make your mind blank and write down the ideas that pop into it
* Do your nails, moustache, or whatever ‘beauty regime’ you fancy
* If you like making lists compile one for next most important things to do

Go on, make your list, spend 5 minutes on one and then cross it off the list – at last! Phew!

There is no failure, only feedback

Head in hands with failure

 

My friend Andy Green has decided to label this week “Failure Week” and it set me thinking. Those of you who read this blog will recognise that it has become rather occasional – one might say that I have failed to write something every day, which was my original intent.

However in my world failure is only really failure if I fail to learn from it. So what have I learned?

  1. I am most successful blogging daily when I have a plan – usually to write a series of articles on a particular topic (see Twixtmas or Metaprograms earlier).
  2. I need to sort out the ‘Schedule’ function in my WordPress – it doesn’t work and it bugs me that I have to go in every day to workaround the fact that my scheduled post didn’t make it to your wonderful eyes.

What I have learned from earlier experience is that a list of more than 2 or 3 items is less likely to get completed than a very short list – eat the elephant one bite at a time. So that’s it. I suggested elsewhere that I might write an A-Z of personal development, so I am off to compose the first few, any suggestions for topics (especially for Q, X, Z) will be very welcome.

Myths or Facts about your brain?

I just read a very informative blog article exposing some myths and facts about our brains – you can find it here  and I hope that the author does not mind that I copied it here…

 

Top Ten Myths about the Brain: The Answers

by Dr Trish Riddell

Recently, I posted a number of questions about the brain and challenged this community to see if they could say which were supported by evidence, and which were myths.  I promised to provide my answers and the evidence to support them.  So, here are the questions again for those that might have missed them.  See if you agree with me on which are myths:

1. We make no new neurones in our brain after we are born
2. Men have fewer connections between the right and left of their brain than women
3. There are left brain and right brain people
4. Listening to Mozart does not make you smarter
5. Your memory can hold 7 + 2 things at a time
6. It’s all downhill after 60!
7. We know what will make us happy
8. Our memories of past events in our lives are inaccurate
9. The reptilian brain controls our emotional responses
10. The adult brain is able to be changed

And, here are my answers with some evidence to support my position.

10.  The adult brain is able to be changed: TRUE

Our brains are designed as learning machines and two main mechanisms for learning have evolved.  The first is called experience-expectant learning.   The human infant brain creates 100% more connections (synapses) between neurones than are found in the adult brain.  The original wiring of the brain is based on thousands of years of evolution and is the product of the unchanging environment over this time – things that can be expected in that environment are coded into the original connections we make in our brains (e.g. the ability to process language). Over the first years of life, the experiences of each individual child determine which synapses should be kept and which lost due to lack of use.  So, connections that represent the sounds that we hear in our own language are kept, and those for other languages that we do not experience are lost. However, as we approach the appropriate number of adult connections, this mechanism for learning becomes less useful.

Therefore, not all learning can be based on the expectation that our environments will contain certain information.  We have to have a means of learning about new technologies, new environments etc.  So, in addition to using the loss of synapses as a means of learning, we also create new synapses to code novel experiences.  This is called experience-dependant learning, and this is available throughout the lifespan.  Learning results in strong connections within networks of neurones so that behaviours become habits.  But, just as habits are learned through overuse, a new set of behaviours can replace old habits if they are used frequently and therefore develop equally strong networks of neurones.  An old dog can learn new tricks!

9. The reptilian brain controls our emotional responses: FALSE

This seems to be a slight misinterpretation of the literature.  I would agree that there is a more primitive, reactive, emotional system that responds in a characteristic way to emotional events, and then a more developed, proactive, system that can over-ride this in most circumstances to give us more control over our emotional responses.  The problem is that what McLean defined as the reptilian brain contains no more than the brain stem and cerebellum which is responsible for highly stereotyped emotional responses (e.g. the aggression response that you see in an angry cat).  What I think of as the reactive emotional brain is based more in the amygdala and structures at this level (which MacLean defined as the Limbic brain).  The context specific, proactive emotional system is probably found in the orbitofrontal cortex which is one of the latest evolutionary areas to be developed in primates.  This is the part of the brain that allows us to change our response to events that perhaps would have triggered strong and unproductive emotional reactions for us in the past. 

8. Our memories of past events in our lives are inaccurate: TRUE

In a series of studies, Elizabeth Loftus has demonstrated that it is possible to plant false memories.  In one experiment, participants were given an individual booklet containing three true stories from childhood (verified by relatives) and one false story about being lost in a department store at about the age of 5 (an event which relatives confirmed had not happened).  After reading the booklets, participants were asked to write what they remembered about each event, and, if they did not remember anything, to say “I do not remember this”.  This writing exercise was repeated on three occasions.  Six of the 24 participants claimed to remember the false event on each occasion asked.  As a result of a series of research studies, Elizabeth and her colleagues have been able to outline the circumstances under which false memories are produced.  These include: social demands to remember (in this case by the experimenters), memory construction by imagining events when participants are having trouble remembering, and encouragement not to think about whether the imaginings are true or not.  This reveals something about the nature of our memories – while we might think they are a true reflection of events, they can be modified by suggestion and so, over time, might become a mixture of memory and imagination.

7. We know what will make us happy: FALSE

You probably have experience of this in your own, or your family’s, life.  Think of something that you really thought you wanted, and quite quickly received.  Then think whether your expected happiness corresponded with your actual happiness. Or think of something that a child said they really wanted for Christmas or a birthday, and remember how long it was played with before it was superseded by a new toy or pastime.  Research by Daniel Gilbert and his team suggests that we are very poor at imagining the consequences of both happy and sad events.  We over-estimate both how unhappy we would be if something bad happened (in reality we bounce back very much quicker than we expect) and also how happy we will be if something good happens (the happiness lasts for a much shorter time than we expect).  In fact, we can maximise our happiness through anticipation!  We are happiest just before we receive something that we have wanted for some time.  Think how that might save on the shopping bills!

6. Its all downhill for the brain after 40 (or 50 or 60): FALSE

While it is true that working memory for facts decreases with age, and that we do slow down a little, the picture for the ageing brain is not all bleak.  Laura Carstensen, a professor at Stanford University has theorised that some differences in memory between younger and older adults arise from a difference in temporal focus.  Young adults who feel that their lives will stretch on indefinitely focus on saving as much factual information as possible since this is likely to benefit them in the future.  In comparison, older adults have a more restricted sense of their future and so concentrate on emotional well-being.  Laura’s group have shown that manipulating this sense of time by either telling older people to imagine that a new drug has been invented that will expand their healthy life by 20 years, or by testing young people immediately after a disaster that increases their sense of mortality, reduces the memory differences between young and old people.  In addition, older people attend to and remember more positive than negative events, and have better emotional well being than younger people.  Again, this difference can be decreased by manipulating expectations of longevity.  Thus, while there are some deficits in the ageing brain, the picture is definitely not all negative – in fact, it becomes increasingly positive with age!

5. Your memory can hold 7 ± 2 things at a time: FALSE

This “fact” is based on one of the most highly cited papers in psychology The magical number seven, plus or minus two: Some limits on our capacity for processing informationpublished in Psychological Review in 1955. In this paper, he described studies that estimate the number of categories of a single dimension of sound (e.g. tones) or space (e.g. locations) that can be identified accurately as about 7 (though this ranged from 5 to 10 depending on the nature of the category).  He also described experiments that suggested that the number of chunks of information that we could remember immediately after hearing them was about 7 (again with a range from about 5 to 10).  Since 7 appeared in both estimations, he tested to see whether these were limited by the some aspect of human brains (i.e. that the number 7 was a “magical” representation of some human neural capacity).  He showed quite clearly that these were not dependent on the same mechanism and so that 7 was not magical.  Indeed, subsequent research suggests that memory span varies depending on what is being remembered (7 for digits, 6 for letters and 5 for words) so even the number of things we can remember is not described by the magical number 7.

4. Listening to Mozart does not make you smarter: TRUE

I have to admit to being a fan of Mozart, and even sometimes listening to this when I am working.  However, I do not do this on the chance of being made smarter!  The original research into the Mozart effect was conducted by Gordon Shaw and Frances Rauscher at University of California, Irvine.  They tested the spatial reasoning of a group of college students before and after listening to 10 minutes of Mozart Sonata for two pianos in D Major.  They found that the students showed short term improvement in spatial reasoning.  Attempts to replicate even this very modest finding have failed (a good summary of studies can be found here).

3. There are left brain and right brain people: FALSE

Most myths are based on some truth, and this is no exception.  Clearly, the two halves of the brain have evolved to perform different functions.  On balance, the two sides of our brain are much more similar than they are different.  However, in order to increase our brain’s potential,  we have evolved so that some tasks are performed preferentially with brain tissue located in one half of our cerebral cortex. Thus, for instance, our language production centre, Broca’s area, is in the left frontal lobe. However, not all language abilities are confined to the left hemisphere, and our right and left hemispheres communicate with each other, so we have only relatively better language function in the left hemisphere. Similarly, the right hemisphere processes complex spatial patterns relatively better than the left. So performance in a particular task in most people can be slightly better or faster in one hemisphere than the other – but it is not exclusively processed in only one hemisphere.  The corpus callosum allows information to pass quickly between the hemispheres so that information is shared.

What does this say about training that purports to increase right or left hemisphere function?  A study by the U.S. National Academy of Sciences concluded that, while training could enhance different styles of learning (logical vs intuitive), this was not as a result of improvement in function of the left or right hemispheres respectively.  Improved functioning in both hemispheres contributed to any changes seen.

2. Men have fewer connections between the right and left of their brain than women:  FALSE

A classic example of this which I heard recently is that men have a quarter of the connections between the two halves of their brain (corpus callosum) when compared to women, and therefore are less able to bring together logical with more holistic perceptions.  Leaving aside the differences in processing style of the two halves of the brain, is there any evidence for the difference in size of the corpus callosum between men and women?  The most recent imagining techniques have been used to update older studies, and these show that there are no differences in size in this structure between men and women.  A study by Yokota and colleagues found subtle differences in shape exist between sexes.  However, as in most studies of sex differences, some women had a corpus callosum which was more male in shape and some men had a corpus callosum that was more female.  If shape was used to try to identify the sex of a participant, 25% of brains were assigned the wrong sex.  Subtle differences of this kind are unlikely to produce the types of behavioural differences that are often asserted to exist between the sexes.  Most of the behaviours that we need to survive are not sex specific, so men do not perceive the world, direct attention, learn new skills, encode memories, communicate, empathise, or judge emotions differently from women.  We are moslty more alike than we are different.

1. We make no new neurones in our brains after we are born: FALSE

Our neural networks control our behaviours, our emotions, our memories.  As adults, much of our behaviour is fixed (though not unchangeable) and so creating lots of new neurones throughout the brain is unnecessary.  Most of the change we require can be accomplished by creating new synapses (connections) between neurones that already exist.  However, each new memory that we keep requires electrical activity in a set of neurones.  It might be possible, therefore, that we could run out of neurones to store new information and therefore would not remember new experiences as we grew older. This problem is overcome by creation of new neurones in the one part of the brain where we need them most – the hippocampus.  This part of the brain is responsible for keeping an address book of where each of our memories is stored.  We know that creation of these new neurones have important functions – you might remember a time when you were very stressed and found it difficult to retain new information.  We make fewer neurones in the hippocampus when stressed or depressed.  However, the good news is that there is a simple condition in which we make more new neurones – when we exercise.  And, this creates more new neurones than we lose when we are stressed.  So, if you want to keep a healthy body and hippocampus, go and have some exercise.

Twixtmas Day 5 – do something for your future

Twixtmas Day 5Finally we get to the last day of this mini-challenge, the day when we turn selfish again and look to our own future. We can’t control the world around us, but we can take action that improves the chances of things working out the way we want – after all, we used to send Santa a list so we stood a chance of getting what we wanted!

 

Here are Andy’s suggestions, I am sure you can come up with more:

  1. Write a list of 10 things you will do during 2011
  2. Count your blessings and ask how you can share your blessings for the year ahead.
  3. Ask a spiritual question: “Why am I here?”
  4. Be more creative – aim to think flexibly and ask beautiful questions for every day of 2011.
  5. Identify 3 action steps to make your goals for 2011 happen now.

Whether you do one of these or something else, make the effort and do something that strengthens your own future.

Twixtmas Day 4 – do something for the planet

Twixtmas Day 4 Now Twixtmas takes us global. No, you cannot save the plant on your own but every little action helps. You can make a difference, every little action helps.

 

Think about sustainability this way:

 

A man was walking along a deserted beach at sunset. As he walked he could see a young boy in the distance, as he drew nearer he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking something up and throwing it into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things into the ocean.As the man approached even closer, he was able to see that the boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time he was throwing them back into the water. The man asked the boy what he was doing, the boy replied,” I am throwing these washed up starfish back into the ocean, or else they will die through lack of oxygen. “But”, said the man, “You can’t possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach, and this must be happening on hundreds of beaches along the coast. You can’t possibly make a difference.” The boy smiled, bent down and picked up another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied

“Made a difference to that one”

Twixtmas Day 3 – do something for a friend

Twixtmas Day 3 What did you do yesterday that was ‘unselfish’?

 

Well, Day 3 is about your friends. What can you do that will help them? What would they like from you? Here are the suggestions from the Twixtmas website – visit the site to read and learn more about this great idea:

  1. Get in touch with someone you have not heard from for a while.
  2. Think of things to say ‘thank you’ to your friends
  3. Think about their ambitions/Help them with their ambition
  4. Share an old photograph
  5. Make a new friend today/smile at, or be a friend to a stranger in some way.

Twixtmas Day 2 – Do something unselfish

Twixtmas day 2 Yesterday was about YOU, I hope you managed to do something for yourself – I accepted a commission that I really wanted to do, a new experience in a new country, even though it clashed with an existing appointment (which I will rearrange).

 

Today is time to give a little thought to others. Here are a few examples from the Twixtmas website:

  1. Do a random act of kindness
  2. Let someone you care about speak to you uninterrupted for 5 minutes
  3. Help a neighbour
  4. Have a mini-Lent and give up something for the day
  5. Give to charity

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed.

By Bonnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.