When to take a rest.

Geoff Roberts Uncategorized

Car stuck on icy roadWell, I have just spent 30 minutes in an unsuccessful attempt to get our car up the icy slope that trapped us in yesterday. We managed to recover the car from its overnight resting place half way up/down ‘our’ lane, but despite our best efforts could not get it far enough up the hill to actually escape and enter the world. For the time being, we had failed.

Now, I know that the car will get out today, and equally I knew that the time had come to take a rest. Bodies were becoming exhausted, as were those inner resources upon which we draw under challenge.My guess was that one extra person pushing would have made the difference, but that one extra person did not appear when we needed them.

Does this sound familiar? Working away at a task that really needs doing and exhausting yourself in the process? Well, unless you are trying to defuse a nuclear bomb, the world is unlikely to end when you delay a little. Continuing to struggle away when circumstances are clearly against you and help is not at hand seems foolish and runs the risk of over-stressing not just you but those around you. Sometimes, what is needed is to take a rest and come back to the task a bit later.

We will be out of our lane by lunchtime…

Do a bit, learn a bit…

Geoff Roberts change

I have spent some of today redesigning the look of this blog, using (if you are interested) a very handy design creation tool called Artisteer. It now looks different to how it looked at 10:00 or at 12:00 or even at 14:00 – and may well look different again before the end of the day! “So what?” you might ask, and quite rightly so. Well, I realised that this redesign was a bit, actually quite a lot, like redesigning how we live.

I started with a recognition that something needed to change – maybe different fonts, maybe layout etc… – wondered how to go about making the changes, sought out a tool to help me then started playing with the tool, all along being aware that my fisrt efforts would take time whilst I learned how to make the change then knowing that I could change things bit by bit and review the results before finally committing; even then I know that further changes can be made – and that small changes can be done quickly and easily.

So, what has this got to do with a personal development blog? Well, it stuck me that there are some very similar lessons:

  1. Sometimes we just have a feeling that ‘something needs to change’, without being really sure what
  2. Sometimes we struggle alone before realising that someone else might be able to help
  3. Sometimes we have to change several things at once, yet other times we can simplify it and make one change at a time
  4. Some changes are easy, some take more practice
  5. Sometimes we make a change only to find that it’s still not quite right and needs further adjustment
  6. When we think we have finished, we have not finished – there is always more to do.

So, back to the title of this piece “Do a bit, learn a bit”. It is only when we actually make a change that we find out whether or not it is an appropriate change. Those changes can be quite small yet have a profound effect. Go on, make a change in your life today…

Taking responsibility

Geoff Roberts change

I was speaking with a wonderful, educated, passionate, articulate homeless man this morning.

Firstly, the discussion reminded me that you don’t have to be (to use a non-PC term) the ‘dregs of society’ to become homeless these days.

Then I asked “So what was it that helped you take those first steps back out of the hole you were in?” His response is a lesson for many. His reply was telling:

“I decided that I had to take responsibility for myself”.

This wonderful man recognised, even in the depths of despair, that it was up to him and him alone to accept his part in his past. Yes, others had their part to play in his past and his ‘downfall’; Yes, he would and did accept help from others; and most of all, Yes he could and would take personal responsibility in preference to blaming others. He is far from where he wants to be, yet he is also far from where he was – the journey is long and hard and he knows that only he can make the journey. I wished him well before I went off to my warm home, wonderful wife, well stocked pantry…

So my challenge is for you to answer these two questions:

  1. “To what extent are you prepared to accept that you have you contributed to any problems in your life?”
  2. “Are you going to take responsibility for yourself, your past and your future – or do you want to be comfortable and blame others?”

No regrets

Geoff Roberts change

When I am coaching face-to-face I often finish with a story – they are intended to be metaphorical and designed so that the subject can make their own sense of them. However, every now and again, one story sticks with me personally – this piece, usually accredited to Nadine Stair aged 85, is one:

If I had my life over…

I’d dare to make more mistakes next time

I’d relax, I’d limber up

I would be sillier than I have been this trip

I would take fewer things seriously

I would take more chances

I would take more trips

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers

I would eat more ice cream and less beans

I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones

You see I am one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day

Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had to do it over again I would have more of them,

in fact I’d try to have nothing else – just moments.

One after another instead of living so many years ahead of each day

I’ve been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute

If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter next time

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall

I would go to more dances

I would ride more merry go rounds

I would pick more daisies.

Ms Stair’s tale reminds us that it is not the things we have done that we will regret but the things we have not done.

So here’s the challenge, to have a quick think about how many days have gone past with you (me) regretting what you have not done? Then take action. What is there that you want to do but have yet to fulfil? Make a plan. Go and do it.

What is cluttering up your brain?

Geoff Roberts change

Just how much mess is cluttering up your brain?

Perhaps what I really want to explore is the effect of all those little unfinished jobs that are running around in your brain and occasionally pop out at unexpected, and maybe even unwelcome, moments. You know – that little voice inside your head that says “You never sent Auntie Ethel a birthday card” or “Whatever happened to that memorial bench you were going to buy for your dad?”. Those little things to which you committed yourself at some time, yet somehow never seem to have got done – let’s call them Incompletes.

Here’s an exercise – make a list of them. Get out a sheet of paper and a writewith – start writing, one per line, all those little promises, committment, ideas… that you have still to deliver. NB I do not mean the big stuff – “Redecorate the house” or “Build a garage” – but the smaller, realtively easily done stuff as in my earlier examples. Keep writing, most people (me included!) make a rather long list – when you think you have finished, go for a cup of tea and come back and add whatever it is you have remembered whilst making the tea; maybe you can put the list on the fridge or somewhere else handy so that you can add to it as you remember things.

My guess, indeed my experience, is that you will start completing them now you have written them down – and more so if you put them where they are easily visible.

Every one of these tasks has been cluttering up your brain, and stopping it from being as effective as it/you might be. It is as if each little Incomplete was occupying a bit of grey matter, the more incompletes you have, the more grey matter is tied up in unproductive effort. Once you actually do the action, the grey cell is free to concentrate on more pressing (and important?) matters.

So, whatever it was cluttering up your brain, this is a simple little exercise to start to clear the decks for action. Let me know how it goes for you….