It’s 9:15 in the morning and my gorgeous little granddaughter comes running through all ready for nursery. “Would you like me to take you?” I ask and hear from the kitchen (her father) “You can’t because we don’t have the child seat”. Well I knew we did and I knew that it was in the kitchen and I know that he had put her coat on it when she came in the previous evening; so we put it in the car and off we went.
And then I ended up wandering around the centre of Bradford (yes, it is quite a sad life!) reflecting on this. How come a perfectly functioning adult fails to see a substantial child seat even though he has several times been within inches of it? And I thought of the many times I too have lost something only to have a colleague find it in the same place that I have been unsuccessfully looking … and of course the times that I pointed out to someone else that what they are looking for is right under their nose. So this is a fairly common pattern it seems – we can fail to see something that is physically right under our noses. So what’s going on?
Well, there are lots of things that could be going on and the one that I want to talk about today is assumptions. Where is the child seat? The working assumption, which is is correct 99% of the time, is that it is in my wife’s car. She was away and so a reasonable assumption would be that the car seat was not with us. If I am subconsciously assuming that something is not present, it seems quite likely that my consciousness is not going to be looking for it and hence will not see it even when it is there. I assume that tickets that gig I wanted to go to have sold out, so I do not even enquire – only to find out after the event that the hall was half full; I assume that that beautiful young woman/man would not consider going out with me and so I do not even ask.
Assumptions get in our way and part of my daily challenge is to identify some of the assumptions that I am running at any particular moment. Remember, we all run a series of assumptions all the time. Assumptions, call them beliefs, influence our thoughts and actions in ways that are sometimes incomprehensible to both ourselves and others.
Even my four-year-old granddaughter is running them. She (implicitly) assumes that when she asks “Why?” there is an answer that can be given in terms and a timeframe that a four-year-old will understand. Maybe there is and maybe my assumption that that is not always true is wrong.
So the story has two thrown up two challenges. Firstly to notice more actively what is around you. To use your eyes and ears and smell etc actively rather than in the passive way that many of us operate most of the time. Secondly to stop occasionally and explore what assumptions you are holding about a situation. What do you believe to be true in this situation? What would have to be true for what is happening to make sense? When you surface these assumptions you will have a different perspective on what you are observing and hence more choices about how to live willfully and thoughtfully this world.
(Oh, by the way, one of my assumptions is that if you have read this far you must be interested in the topic. So how about taking a couple of minutes out to write your comments or share with me some assumption that you found to be less than helpful.)
sitting minding my own business on Manchester Picadilly Station a few days ago (oh, the exciting places I get to for coaching assignments!) when an obviously ‘Chinese’ looking young guy came and sat alongside me. Well, as Manchester has one of the biggest Chinese communities in the UK, that was no real surprise. What DID however surprise me was when he pulled out his mobile phone to ring someone and this perfect Manchester accent emerged from his mouth.